There are several things I should be doing right now and blogging probably isn't one of them. However, here I am. Sitting. Without anybody on my lap helping me. Which is a novelty of late.

In fact, the house is quiet. I hear the dryer tumbling clothes, the washer running water and the click clack of these keys. An occasional gust of wind blows somebody's artwork off the refrigerator upstairs and I wait to hear that somebody start crying because of it. Then I remember that Eden is at school, Lars is with his wonderful respite provider and Elia, bouncing baby Elia, is at a sitters all morning for the first time.

You know that first time you give your child to somebody intending to leave them there? And they are happy looking at you from the car carrier, and even happy to sit in the other person's arms and bounce for a few minutes. And then you turn and walk towards the door. And all breaks loose and you're pretty sure the child will forget you the minute you walk out and never forgive you when you do finally come for her?

Yeah, that's how I felt this morning. She's nearing 10 months and hasn't been away from Mom more than an hour or so. Even when I've had sitters here at the house, I've gone back to check in and feed her on a regular basis.

So, today is a test of wills. And really, until now, it's been quite productive. One more hour...